Everquest April Fool's Patch

Not the funniest thing I read in awhile, but nuggets of comedy dwell.

March 31, 2007_____________________*** Highlights ***New Character Models!We are pleased to announce that we have developed new technology that allows us to change the character models for all races at the same time. This includes the following:- New Graphics Engine: We completely overhauled the EverQuest graphics engine. . . yes again. All character models have been retextured using this new technology and the results are beyond anyone???s wildest dreams.- Dynamic effects for animations: Each movement of the model now acts as a separate entity, allowing more life-like animations.- Enhanced weapon visage: While we didn???t change the look of the weapons, they sure look better on the new character models.*** Items ***- Removed some unnecessary stats on Solteris items.- Fixed a problem with Journeyman's Boots.- Removed all keys that unlock doors from the world.*** Quests - By popular request, we removed all quests and raids from the game. Loot from these events is now found in the form of ground spawns.- Added 200 new quests in the Slamming Door quest series.*** Spells ***- All spells have been renamed to include Al'Kabor in the name. Long live the King!- Created a new Enchanter spell, Charm Door.*** Zones ***- Fixed the door that leads into Sverag, Stronghold of Rage.- Burned Woods has been moved. We'll leave it up to you to find out where it went.- Halflings have been kicked out of Rivervale. Their new home is in Runnyeye... yeah, that's where it is.*** Classes ***- Rangers are now working as intended.- Bards have gained the ability to yodel.- Magicians can now use an Open Sesame ability to open locked doors.*** NPCs ***- Snakes still don't kick. I mean, seriously...- NPCs now lock the doors to their shops and homes at night. Quit waking them up in the middle of the night!*** Tradeskills ***- A recipe for Ngreth's Nutritional Nightcap has been added. This drink will give some very nice stats, but will make the player drunk (player, not character). However, you'll have to seek out this recipe on your own.- Alchemy is not broken.- A new tradeskill has been added: Doorcraft. Recipes from this tradeskill will allow you to modify existing doors throughout the world including changing knobs, resetting hings, and patching holes in the door.- The EverQuest Team